Sunday 6 March 1983 - Saturday 12 March 1983
notebook: DREAMING DB1
[page 112]
. . . an ecological dream. Seemed to be flying over the Andes, presumably where the Amazon etc have their headwaters. It was jungle and there were signs of development, white concrete buildings, etc. The trees were somewhat discoloured in various areas. Looked a bit like a Landsat image. Then at the mouth of the river discussing its state with someone and referring to early
[page 113]
explorers. Dredged up clay from the bottom to patch their ships. Clay ridge stood up like some sort of animal back. Had a vision of an huge ad hoc sort of animal composed of small animals (like sprouts) Realised it could not happen without skeleton, diversification. Had a conversation yesterday ... about sprouts reinforcing mud brick walls. If Cook saw pollution, timber cutters must already have been up the river destroying them before he arrived. South America settled before Australia.
Nightmarish night. Seemed to be on some sort of Island, Malta? But small enough to walk around. Was being chased by torturers or some such. Perhaps like an initiation, as did not really want to escape. Some person (like lecturer, teacher) explained what would happen. Explained how to go and hide in cave on other side of island accessible through space like empty top shelf of bookcase, or fanlight over door. Cave seemed small and dark at first with rock ledges to sleep on etc. There with other people I vaguely knew but cannot recall. Knew that soldiers/officials/torturers were coming to chop tops of fingers off left hand. More and more people were put into cave, but it got bigger, to multi storied with barred windows etcetera.
[page 114]
Uniformed people (appearance Indonesian) came in and one stood by a table. A couple of soldiers with hatchets started chopping the surface of the table, but no one was hurt. Then I started to think of escaping. How easy it would have been to swim off the island instead of coming to a place where I knew I would be caught. . . . Then I realised that we could overcome the soldiers. There was a great din coming from the tiers and tiers of cells above me and I tried to make my voice heard over the din. Perhaps I was gesturing with a bloody hand. I remember trying to convince myself that losing the fingers of one hand was not so bad. Although the whole thing had a terrible nightmarish quality my motivation to escape was not high.
Spent yesterday on the brink of tears about B. Cried bitterly when I came home last night ad went to bed with sore eyes. Woke feeling still tired about the eyes, Have been reading lately about torture, sacrifice, war etc. Find it hard to get any clues about the meaning of dream,. Came home after lighting L's fire for the first time. She talked continuously including about B. I wanted to collapse on her and cry, but didn't want to get that involved with her, Came home then went to tail end of . . . party for a while. Smoked a little (had had a few beers) and had half a
[page 115]
stubby. Talked a bit, listened to band for a few seconds and then went home. DStarted crying as soon as out of sight of [party]. Went downstairs and lay on B's bed for a while, went to her study and looked around for a while. Left the light on for her. Wrote a bit in B&B book. Original came a bit like Obiri in NT, but enclosed with sort of door. Ubirr - Wikipedia
Through a bookshelf - experiences drawn from books.